Do you ever feel frustrated and try to force yourself to see the positive in a situation?
Does that ever completely backfire, making you feel worse?
I want you to know that you don’t have to always be positive. In fact it can be necessary to make room for the “negative.”
Some of my biggest breakthroughs came after admitting how much my circumstances sucked.
In 2018 when my boyfriend and I broke up, I had to find my own place. Not only was I heartbroken, but I felt like I’d been kicked out of my beautiful home.
I hated that apartment I moved into. Every little thing irritated me – the sickeningly sweet candles my neighbor burned, the sound of the lawnmower across the street when I was trying to work, being so far from my favorite spots in town.
I tried to focus on the positive – lots of closet space, safe neighborhood, closer to the beach – but it only made me more resentful.
The reason this backfires is because we try to force a new belief that doesn’t resonate with us. We’re completely ignoring the truth of how we feel.
In my case, I felt like my life had completely downgraded. I felt embarrassed, ashamed.
Since being positive wasn’t working, I decided to simply allow my truth to be there, even though it felt really negative.
I made a list of all the things I hated about my living situation, and in doing so I began to accept it. Without even trying they bothered me less and less.
Soon I took time to decorate and invited friends over. In that space I accomplished something HUGE – I wrote and published The Worthy Woman Handbook. Maybe I wasn’t head over heels in love with the place, but I made the best of it. I felt sad to leave.
When my clients come to me upset with how they reacted to a situation at work or with their partner – I often say to them, “It’s okay to feel disappointed” or “It’s okay to feel upset about how you handled it.”
I can always hear the relief in their voices.
The pressure that we’re supposed to feel happy and positive all the time evaporates. Once we let that pressure go, we can focus on making new choices that will get us back to feeling good. THEN we can turn to positive thinking with greater ease.
We can never get there by ignoring the truth. We must face the truth, allow it to be okay, and then move forward.
Are you feeling stuck somewhere right now? Perhaps in your relationship (with others or yourself) or your job? What truth might you need to face before you can move forward?
This level of honesty requires a bit of courage because it can be uncomfortable. But I believe in you. I know you are worth it. Your freedom is worth it.
If you’re ever in need of one-on-one guidance to explore the truth, make peace with it, and find the path ahead of you, I’m here to support you. Reach out whenever you’re ready.
To your truth which surely will set you free,