Have you ever shared vows with a partner? I’m fascinated that we’re taught to do this in marriage ceremonies, yet not with ourselves.
While I’ve never been married, I’ve spent more time working through challenges in relationships to uphold our commitment to each other than I have with myself.
After all, many of us have been raised to believe everything outside of us will make us happy – relationships, jobs, money. Have you experienced that too?
What do you believe?
My beliefs changed when the foundation of my relationship began to crumble.
It became a matter of life or death to find happiness within. To uncover who I was, learn to love her, and fight for her, so that I could make it on my own. No matter what.
The death of my dad devastated me. The end of a romantic relationship broke me open. I learned that everything on the outside can fall away. I’m grateful because, after building my life around others, it forced me to find safety and trust within myself.
Like any relationship, it’s an ongoing commitment. Every day we can make loving choices. We can praise ourselves, embrace ourselves. We can say “Hey I’m here for you. No matter what. You’ve got this. I believe in you.”
You don’t have to suffer from loss to start or deepen the journey. You don’t have to be in a failing relationship. You don’t have to wait until you’re on your own. You don’t have to be anywhere except where you are right here, right now.
An exercise for you:
Wherever you are, take out a journal, notebook, or piece of paper and write at the top of the page “Vows to myself.”
Take a few slow deep breaths and invite the words you most need to hear to come to you.
Begin the sentence “I vow to…” and let your pen and your heart do the rest.
(Pause here to write.)
When you’re done, thank yourself for making the time. Read back over your vows throughout the week. Let the words sink in.
This practice isn’t about writing the most beautiful vows. It’s about the willingness to connect with yourself and see what needs your attention. Whatever comes out is just right.
I invite you to comment below and let me know how it went 🙂
Writing vows is one of the many ways I nurture trust and safety with myself. It’s made me into a more compassionate partner and friend, and a more courageous communicator. I trust that no matter what may happen in life – more loss, impossible choices, being on my own again – I’ll be able to find my way.
I share my full story of rocky relationships and discovering the depths of happiness within (available to us all) in my upcoming book – Worthy of Me: Reclaiming wholeness from loss to love. Pre-orders will be available soon 🙂
Until next time, continue committing to yourself and your vows.
To the infinite love within,